dovah:

boydoujin:

anyone here a fool?? anyone here stupid??

yeeeem:

yeeeem:

girls in movies: ripping people to shreds with their teeth. traveling in swarms, protecting ancient rivers filled with treasure and danger

girls irl: swimming peacefully, might nibble you if you’re a bastard

ah fuck. it seems I’ve gotten girls and piranhas mixed up again.

raygunbradbury:

Roses are red

Elf practice is avoidable

smitethepatriarchy:

mall-communism:

South Park normalized anti-semitism for a whole generation of young people and tbh I think it helped foster the rebirth of nazism

Anti-semitism and the idea that not caring and doing nothing is somehow peak political enlightenment.

tax fraud pride flag

escuellas:

for when you commit tax fraud

• green represents laundered money
• three grey lines represent cold, cold prison bars
• red represents the shame of being caught

[free to use, credit appreciated but not necessary]

longlegmadejs:

seth everman could commit a murder and then tweet “murders are for losers. which is why i did it” and everyone would just rt, comment ‘same’, and go on with their day

sushie:

got crunchy joints. crispy bones. popcorn ankles. pop pop pop pop thats me gettin out of bed

glumshoe:

limefiend:

glumshoe:

hekatontarch:

glumshoe:

profki:

glumshoe:

slinkanora:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

Cute barista was talking to me about Star Trek and when my hot coffee spilled out over my hands due to a malformed lid, I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation and ignored it. I just stood there talking with my skin burning until she asked, “….Don’t you want to put your hands under cold water?”

Yes… yes I do.

This is like the time when this guy was watching Avatar: The Last Airbender in the student lounge at 3 AM. He invited me to watch it with him, but as I walked over I ripped a massive gash in my leg on the side of the table and just… turned so he couldn’t see the blood while I stood and watched the end of the episode with him, because I didn’t want to walk out of the good conversation we were having.

You… have very little drive for survival.

I mean… I’d argue with you, but one time I passed out and had convulsions from an intramuscular injection. I didn’t know what was happening, but I felt Very Very Bad and crawled out of my room to look for my housemate. The only person home was my friend Kate, but she was taking a bubble bath and I didn’t want to interrupt her relaxation time. I lay down on the carpet outside the bathroom and said, “When you’re done in there, I may need your help with a medical issue.” She was of course very alarmed and started to rush out to help me, but I tried to convince her to take her time and finish her bath first.

I definitely thought I was dying but, to my addled brain, it seemed really rude to inconvenience her with a medical emergency. (I was fine.)

what did happen?? Did you inject straight into a blood vessel?

nah that just Happens to me I guess

Hold on… What happened with the cute barista?

oh she was fine. she survived.

did the guy ever notice the blood on ur leg

I didn’t think so at the time, but a couple years later I told the story on Facebook and he liked the post - and he had to have recognized that it was about him.

jbirdthemanwitch:

Emoji spell for extreme good luck for the next two months

🍀🌰🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡☀⚡⭐🌠🌕🌔🌓🌒🌰⭐🌱🌿🍀🎆🌋🎇🌠🔮🔔💰💰💰💰💸💸💸💸💳💳💳💳💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💰💰💰🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🌋🌊🌈🎆🎇🎉🎊🔓🔆🔓💰💸💳🔅📈🏁🍚⬆⬇↕🔄✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆🎉🎊🎍💸💸💸✴✳✳✳✳↕↕↕↕🎆🎇🌋✴✳🐇🐸🍀🌰🌱🌼🍀🍀🍀🌻🌺🍀🍀🌿🍀🌰🌱🌿🍀

Likes charge. Reblogs CAST

ace-pervert:

magnumpicactus:

merryfuckincolours:

magnumpicactus:

pikaglove:

magnumpicactus:

magnumpicactus:

Oh yeah hey guys I had an actual chat with a pornbot

I’M SCREAMING!!!!

Yeeeeee

Holy fuck

I told you.

Wait this explains a lot. Such as why the bots can get around anything the staff puts up